Do you know about - On Living With Aids in a Black Forest Town
Physical Therapy Colleges! Again, for I know. Ready to share new things that are useful. You and your friends."It's the 1st of November (Allerheiligen) and I ask myself: why do you give the dying company? In all those years I haven't visited a single grave. I can't let go of my clients before they die. I just can't bear to do it after a clear amount of deaths through Aids." This was what the guy at the local aids assistant center in Freiburg said to yours truly when I paid him a call.
What I said. It is not outcome that the actual about Physical Therapy Colleges. You read this article for info on what you wish to know is Physical Therapy Colleges.How is On Living With Aids in a Black Forest Town
How does a man afflicted with Aids feel and what does he think about himself, his family, the community and what sort of help does he get in Germany? These were the questions that I posed to Hiv-positive people living in a kind of commune run by the local Aids-Hilfe in Freiburg (Southern Germany). The Aids-Hilfe is a pan-German compose which helps Hiv-infected people.
The clients were in the age group 26 to 46 and some of them were drug-addicts in the past, some were lasting alcoholics, and most of them were from the middle and under-class Germany community with bi-, homo- and heterosexuals tendencies.
Even though it´s possible to safe oneself from contracting the Hiv- infection, Aids still marches on. We know that it´s a disease with an unusual latent duration and that the full clinical Aids leads to death. And yet we point our finger towards the minorities of the society: homosexual and bisexual men, fixers and prostitutes. In the media there´s a tendency to individualise the risks of Hiv-infection, and such a stance doesn´t promote a public coping behaviour. The infected and the aids-afflicted are still stigmatised and discriminated.
A closer look reveals that every one of us could contract Hiv-infection and it has psycho-social connotations. Only a weighty campaign in which parents, teachers, lecturers, healing doctors, public workers and trade-unions work together can achieve some degree of success. This campaign should be launched at school and college levels, in the tourism commerce and other industrial and administrative sectors, in order to eliminate the half-knowledge and angst, and to motivate self- responsibility, and to avoid the risk of getting infected.
Take Stefan W. 46 for instance, a blond male nurse. Stefan had undergone the Aids-test in 1985 and found out that he was Hiv positive. He said, "I was scared then, because I´d read an article about Aids in "Der Spiegel". After that I decided to do an Aids-test, because I couldn´t bear this fear and indecision. And when I came to know the clear result, I felt miserable and alone in this world."
I asked him whether his house had supported him.
I had problems with my parents who didn´t show any sympathy towards my homosexuality. I even lost two brothers, because they couldn't live with my Aids-problem. I was really stigmatised.
How did you come to the Aids-Hilfe and what did you expect?
For a while I had to take care of myself. It was in 1988 that I contacted the Aids-Hilfe. My aim was to get to know other Hiv-infected people and to see what they offered in terms of aid. I met a nice female social- worker, who helped me a lot by telling me about dying and death. We talked about what I was to expect when I compose Aids fully, how I could relax and how to behave with my sexual partner. It was here that I received real public -support. I feel good today and I can talk about my Hiv- infection openly. I don´t have to hide myself anymore. The aids-help organisation gave me a full-time job and I give advice to others. Some clients want to have a Hiv-infected man as a counsellor, because they feel more acceptable this way.
Did the Aids-help give you a new insight?
I know today how to react to the signals from my body. One has to create or find an environment where one can relax. I try to avoid people who don't retain me. When you have Aids, you have to go from one greatest to another. I all the time propose others that it pays to live".
I met Wolfgang K., 26, a bar-keeper and waiter. He said he knew that he was bisexual since the age of 15. He thinks that he infected himself through a man. He admitted having had one-night stands with distinct men. He also said he had a junkie-phase and had done needle-sharing a lot of times.
Wolfgang says, "I came to know that I was Hiv-positive on December 13,1994. I was in Freiburg at that time and went to the Aids-Hilfe and managed to get a place in this commune. I still have perceive with my mother. She lives with other man. Since it was shortly before Christmas, I felt obliged to tell her before Christmas. My mum was in despair and very implicated and understood my situation. She supports me morally as usual, but I know that it´s difficult for her. She maintains her calm outwardly, but she trembles inside. I know it.
What did you expect from the Aids-Hilfe and what did they do for you?
Wolfgang said, "I staggering facts and personal help from them and I got it, but a bitter taste remains nevertheless. The commune isn't ideal for me. In the sport- group a lot of people wear masks and pretend to be happy and cheerful. I like riding my bike and go to swim and am relaxed. I´m a Bhagwan-disciple and convention my meditations twice a day. Ever since I started doing my meditations, I haven´t even caught the base cold.
Do you find everything negative here?
When I get the blues - when I´m depressed - there´s all the time man in the house with whom I can talk. For me, the commune is an crisis landing pad. I want to study something else that´s why it´s economy for me. If I live here two years I´m entitled to a public apartment in Freiburg. As a Hiv-infected person, I can´t carry on my sexual activities. I want to cure myself through my meditation and self-hypnosis. I have a T-helper cell count of 875, which is much great than anyone´s here.
How much rent do you pay here and how many euros do you have to live on?
The rent here is exorbitant. We have to pay 120 euros per person. Then we have to pay 15 euros for the electricity and 100 euros for the advisers. That makes 235 euros without the telephone. We get money from diverse sources: the joblessness-assistance, apartment-aid, food- and public -allowances. I live with only 150 euros a month.
Did the Aids-Hilfe help you to win a new perspective?
Through the Aids-Hilfe I´ve become positive-thinker. My basic fear of Aids has vanished. I find it good that we have personal contacts here and that they take us to seminars for further-training on Aids, so that we can understand and cope with the disease better.
Franz P., 38, is a salesman, heterosexual and came to know that he had Aids a decade ago.
I asked him," How did your house react? Did they retain you?"
Franz: "My mum cried buckets of tears when she learnt that I was infected. My wife, who was then pregnant, ignored it till she got the child. Both mum and child were Hiv-negative, by the way. After the birth we used contraceptives when we had sexual intercourse.
You said that you live alone now. Was your disease the conjecture for the divorce from your spouse?
Franz: "Actually my drug-problem was the main reason. I had angst and that´s why I started taking drugs again. My wife´s father died of cancer and my wife didn´t want our son to be confronted with my Aids-problem. We lived in a small hamlet in the Black Forest and I tried to live a normal, public life. In summer 1991 I had an infection of the lungs and came to Freiburg. In autumn 1992, I was invited to a brunch at the Aids-Hilfe and met the public laborer and the others and was happy to get an apartment.
How do you find your daily life in the commune?
The public laborer handles the financial and other bureaucratic aspects and we have brunch thrice a week, while which we talk about ourselves. We don´t have a structured life here. Every person does things and is responsible only to himself. Our rooms are incommunicable and Every person has to knock on the door and when man says "No!", it means no, without reasons. There´s a pecking-order not only in the community outside but also here. On the top of our hierarchy we have the haemophilics, then the gays and at the bottom the junkies. The heteros lie between the haemophilics and the gays. I find that one is acceptable when one says one's Hiv-infection was due to constant changes of female partners, than when one says it was caused by an infected-needle.
What did you expect from the Aids-Hilfe and what did you get?
I wanted to have facts about Aids and contacts with other Hiv-infected people and naturally psycho-social support. The social-worker accompanied me to the hospital, through the jungle of red-tape and helped me in daily life. We are allowed to live in the commune till we are physically and mentally fit and can take care of ourselves and our lives. It can also happen that some of us die here. The death-rate is 15 %.
I find that the Aids-Hilfe does predominantly preventive work. There had been a lot of in-fighting in the organisation, but now it´s all quiet. The social-workers have high ideals but there's also a industrial aspect to it. I'm finding for other apartment and want to go on living.
What would you propose other people in terms of preventive measures like safer-sex, being just to each other, no sex or public expectations?
It sounds good but I find people should be open to themselves and to the others. When they are infected they shouldn't convention a duplicate moral. They shouldn´t try to ignore the matter. The infected should let themselves be guided by their inner feelings. I think the infection destabilises one´s self-consciousness. In the commune I've stabilised my psyche, and this is ignored by contemporary medicine. I live here with people from distinct public structures and milieu, and we have one thing in common: the Hiv-infection. It's possible to live out one's ego, because there´s no community-life. It's every man for himself and the social-worker for us all.
Bruno K.,27 is a mason and was a drug-addict since the age of 13. He'd taken soft drugs and worked at a construction- site and carried cement-sacks on his back, was tired after the work and needed stronger stuff that hash and alcohol. He got Valeron-N from a physician (10 bottles at once), because the physician "was too lazy to look up the Red-List. He can't cope with with the community and can't live legally. But he's glad that he has a substitution-identity card now. He was and searched by the police six times a day, because he was familiar as a junkie. He left his parents' home at the age of 15.
How did your mum react when she came to know that you were Hiv-positive?
Bruno: "That can't be true!" was how my mum reacted. She didn't reject me because of the infection but because of my long, unkempt hair. She said that she´d refuse to see me as long as I had my long hair. She circulates in high-society. I find such people false and hypocritical.
When and where did you know that you were infected?
I came to know that I had the Hiv-infection when I was in jail. I and my girl-friend wanted to contract Aids wilfully, and we left our injections and needles where we´d used them.
What drugs do you take?
I take Methadon, Flanitrazepan and Testosteron, because I've become very lethargic due to the substitution therapy. I can sleep sixteen hours a day. When I´m so tired through the substitution-therapy, I find it difficult to get in perceive with women. He points his index-finger at his big Tv-set and says," In that box they show Aids-ads in every channel and the people have become tolerant due to the Tv-spots.
What do you think of therapy?
I haven't done a therapy. It's all useless. The judges give you a jail-sentence instead of a therapy these days. I was in the drug-scene previously and have made my perceive with 3.6 grams of heroin. I oscillated between life and death. I realised that I wasn't ready to die. Now I have nothing to do with drugs. I smoke hash now and then.
Are you trying to reintegrate yourself socially, and trying to get a clear photo about your own situation?
I hate nothing more than this society. I believe in God, but I hate the church. I was born in the wrong century. I wait and explore that there are at least 100 ways of killing myself. But I'm alive. As soon as the Aids-symptoms get bad and I can't take care of my own interests, I'll take the important measures and end my life.
Did you get good tips from the Aids-Hilfe?
I didn´t get any advice from them. I got good and useful advice from the social-worker. When it comes to a quarrel, the social-worker all the time has the last word. I have a generation- disagreement with the social-worker, because I love wearing old, torn jeans with slits, and she sounds like my mother. My long hair and torn-jeans are a form of protest against the mainstream.
What plans do you have for the future?
I'm satisfied as long as I can live, can move about and settle for myself. I can be blind through Aids. In that case I'd prefer suicide (Freitod). I can't bear the artificial, insincere compassion and sympathy of the others when I have pain, and when I can't fight back. I'd rather shoot myself before that happens. Despite all that I find life worth living and we can only bring changes as long as we live. The occasion that a wonder-drug will be discovered is slim. I have no angst as far as death is concerned. It's the pain that I'm scared of, and the fear that I might be helpless...
Eberhard N.,36, is an electro-specialist heterosexual from Stuttgart. He knew he had the Hiv eight years, and he lives in Freiburg since half a year and was nine months at the Aids-Hospice in Oberhammersbach.
Do you know how you infected yourself?
I had a girl-friend named Petra and she was also Hiv-positive. She didn´t care less. I was behind bars for 18 months because the police caught me with drugs. I´m a dry alcoholic. At that time, I didn't have anyone to drink. A junkie friend offered us heroin and we used the same needle. The bloke was clear and gave us his needle.
How did your house react?
They shoved me off. In 1993 I landed in the Hospice and my house visited me there. I telephone my mum every week. She wanted to visit me in December 1994 and now it's August 1995, and she hasn't showed up as yet. I have liver-cirrosis and it would mean my death if I'd drink.
How did you come to Freiburg from Stuttgart? Who helped you?
I'm a familiar alcoholic in Stuttgart. I got in touch with the Aids-Hilfe through the Hospice. I got an apartment and received help from Freiburg. On Christmas I even received a financial shot from a girls' school. I bought a stereo-set with the money, because I can't live without music.I like Neil Young.
Do you take medicines? What are your hereafter plans?
I take only Hepaloges N ( a plant-based liver-remedy). I find that a healthy psyche is the best rehabilitation against disease. One ought to keep one's hands away from medicines. I live for now and today. What´s the use of making great plans? How do I know what it's going to be like in a year? I live intensively though. My thoughts are good. I smoke a joint or a pipe now and then. I don't drink. I haven't given up as yet. One should keep on fighting. One can die fast---in a matter of days. When I was at the Hospice, I conception I was lost. I'm a Pink Floyd fan too and went all the way to Strassbourg (France) to attend the concert on the 9th of September 1994. One has to gave a goal. I want to live here, because after two years I can get a new apartment. And I want to have a girl-friend...
"There's a lot of stress complex in working with Aids-patients because one is confronted with difficult situations. You have to make quick decisions and ask yourself later: was it important or not ", says the guy of the Aids-Hilfe Freiburg. It´s a life- and work-situation. The public workers have to give hope to the infected clients and then see with their own eyes how they deteriorate physically and mentally. How does a public laborer react to the deaths?
He shrugged his shoulders and raised his hands up and said, "It's the 1st of November (Allerheiligen) and I ask myself: why do you give the dying company? In all those years I haven't visited a single grave. I can't let go of my clients before they die. I just can't bear to do it after a clear amount of deaths through Aids..."
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